missing.

i am feeling a wave of nostalgia as of late.  i just seem to be missing a lot of things, people, experiences.  life was so much simpler back when...(which reminds me a the tim mcgraw song "back when"...not my favorite, but fitting for today).  Here are some things i miss...

-my grandparents.  it has been 5 1/2 years since my grandma passed away, and 2 years since my grandpa passed.  i thought it would get easier with time, but i think i miss them more and more every day.
-utah state.  college life was so fun.
-not paying any bills.  being an adult sucks.
-summer.  i am missing summer earlier this year than usual.  usually i don't whine about wanting summer back until january.
-the era of the boy bands.  nsync, please come back to me!
-people of my past.  i know that i had to cut some of these people out of my life because they were toxic and always bringing me down, but i do miss them.  there was a reason we were friends once before, right?
-alllllllllll those super friends who don't live close to me (and the ones that do live close to me but i never get to see)..sucks growing up and growing apart.
-the fruity, zebra bubble gum.  i don't remember what it is called, but it was sure delicious!

on a happier note...i crossed off an item on my bucket list:  black eye.  yep.  i've always wanted a black eye.  all my years playing sports and getting elbows the face, i never got one.  then last week, i was playing volleyball and got rocked harrrrrrrrd when a very large man ran into me.  we were both going for the ball.  i wish someone would have got it on film.  i suspect it looked like something straight from a movie, all slow motiony and stuff.  it broke my nose, and i finallllllly got my black eye.  fortunately, i fixed the crookedness myself when i was blowing my nose in the church bathroom, so i didn't have to have a doctor rebreak it and then set it.  now it is still a little swollen and a little sore.  it hurts to blow my nose and i feel congested a lot.  but for the most part, it is good.  yay for broken nose!

i still don't have a job.  i didn't get the one i interviewed for.  bummer because it paid a lot.  oh well.  i feel like things will work out the way they are supposed to.  since i am getting unemployment and have some income coming in, i am focusing my time on finding the right job and not just any job.  it has been nice being able to sleep in and hang out with friends later than 10 pm.  but i do feel like i am going stir crazy.  i feel like i am not using my brain to it's full capability and that is bugging me.  sitting at home all day every day is not my idea of a good time.

ok.  that's all.  peace.  love.  rock and roll.

betrayal

monday after i posted the last post, i found out some more about the circumstances involving my being laid off. one of my coworkers, i'll call him d-bag, and i were friends from day one.  we got along really well and liked to joke around.  after about a month or so of working there, d-bag added me as a friend on facebook.  against my better judgement, i confirmed him.  i hesitated because facebook can be a pretty personal thing (and i have a hard time not voicing my opinions freely and openly), and i wasn't sure i wanted a coworker knowing that much about me.  but i did it anyway.  throughout the months, i kind of began to regret it.  he made fun of me for liking "big brother" and when i got my legs waxed.  still, it wasn't anything i should have been concerned about.

it was no secret at work that my boss and i did not get along.  in fact, d-bag was a source of comfort for me on days when i wanted to quit.  he let me know that everyone else in the office appreciated the job i was doing.  he also told me that every other person in the office felt the same way about the boss, that everyone had problems working for him.  after a particularly long day of being yelled at, i put on facebook that i wanted to look for a new job.  the next day, d-bag messaged me on our instant message system and asked me if i was ok and if i wanted to talk about it.  before i said anything, i asked him if it was just between the two of us and to please not say anything to anyone.  he said, and i quote "facebook stays on facebook".  so i told him that i didn't get paid enough money to deal with the stress of working with my boss, and that sometimes i felt like i was being taken advantage of.  

come to find out, he went to said boss, human resources, and every.other.employee telling them that i was running my mouth about not making enough money to sit around and do nothing all day.  and that is the reason why i lost my job.  not because "it is just not economical for the company" to keep me at my wage.  not because i had stopped performing my duties satisfactorily.  but because a person i thought was my friend, a person i trusted, dug into my life pretending to care and then twisted my words around.  i honestly have never felt more betrayed in my life.  a person i trusted, a person who pretended to be my friend completely stabbed me in the back.  

i know that this was my fault.  i should not have said anything.  but i honestly thought that i could trust this person.  we had been friends since i started.  but i guess that doesn't mean anything to some people.  i have learned my lesson, though, and will never. ever. ever. again make that mistake.  

ugh.  stupid people.

there's a first time for everything.

ever been laid off before?  me either.  until friday, that is.  as i was locking the doors and getting ready to leave, my peach of a boss calls me into his office to tell me that "it just isn't economical" for the company to keep me at the wage they are paying me (oh?  the wage that isn't too far above minimum wage that i have been struggling to survive on for the past 5 months?  that wage?  ok.  cool).  so they are going back to a minimum wage employee that will be "strictly there to answer phones and greet guests".  the thing that pisses me off is that our firm is working on more projects now than when i started.  so clearly, it is not an economic situation.  it's not secret that i can't stand the man, and that i have had to go to the hr lady and the president of the company on more than one situation because of the way he has treated me.  so, if you don't like me because i won't take you treating me like an indentured servant, then own it!  don't hide behind some economical/financial bull shit excuse.  i have a degree in business.  i am not naive or stupid.  i know how things work.  do you wanna know what i don't think is "economical"?  paying him a laaaarge salary to have him sit at his desk and sleep.  i wish i was being paid to take a nap.  so now i have two weeks left of work and then i am back to this unemployed business.  i had an interview on friday for a job that i think i could really like, so i'm hoping that works out.  if not, i will go back to the search.  bummer.

wanna know what else bothers me about that whole "situation"?  he told me at 4:50 on friday afternoon (way to ruin a weekend, right?).  if he had told me the day before or even just a little earlier that day, i could have gone to the usu-byu football game.  i had an opportunity to go.  but i decided to stay and work.  maybe it is a good thing i couldn't go, because it was a heartbreaking game for my ags.  being an aggie fan is so stressful sometimes.

on a lighter note, didn't you just looooooooooooooooooooooove general conference?  i did.  like loved it a whole lot.  i am so proud to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, proud to be called a "mormon".  my favorite talk (and i don't have my notes with me so i don't remember who gave it) was the one that talked about "waiting on the Lord".  it seemed to be exactly what i needed to hear at that time.  waiting on the Lord means to hope and have faith in His timing.  that is what i am going to have to do a lot of in the coming days, weeks, months.  everything always seems better after spending two days listening to the apostles of the Lord and getting such inspiring revelation.  i love it.  can't wait for the conference edition of the ensign to come out!

i remember writing a couple months ago and saying how i was just waiting for that next crappy thing to come along.  looks like it has.  if anyone has any jobs they know about, pleeeeeeease let me know.  being unemployed is not good for my sanity.

until then.  peace.

a bunch of crap you didn't want to know.

-i love getting mail.  when i was unemployed, the highlight of my day was always mail day.  and now, i come home from work and ask my mom every.single.day if i got mail that day (i usually don't.  i need a pen pal).

-i once bought chapstick from bath & body works.  it was $7.  i never forgave myself for it.

-my favorite treat is chocolate covered pretzels.  i never get tired of them.  in fact, i made my mom buy me a giant bag from costco the other day.  i have had to ration them out so i didn't down the whole package in one day.  don't worry, there is still a significant amount left.  

-sometimes i blog stalk people i don't know.  and then i read about their cute "how i met my husband" stories and get sad.  i want a cute story like that.

-i wish i was brave enough to pick up my life and move where no one knows me.  sometimes a fresh start is sounds really appealing.

-i used to be the most anti-diet coke person there was.  now i can't seem to get enough of it.  seriously.  i feel like one is permanently attached to my hand.

-i wish that i had the vocal pipes of a black lady.  that might sound racist, it's not.

-i can't wait until that time when i have kids.  i looooooove kids.  i think i'll be a good mother some day.  i'm not ready now, but i am anxiously awaiting when it is that time for me.

-i miss my grandma's pancakes.  no one has ever made pancakes like her.  they were dense and not really at all fluffy...and i like it better that way.  my mom says it's because grandma used the greasy fat from bacon or melted butter.  my aunts always say grandma's stuff tasted better because she made it with love (cheesy much?).  i think it is because my grandma was just awesome.  no one is as awesome as she was.

-i used to not appreciate general conference.  at all.  i can hardly remember anything from any conference before  my 22 birthday.  now i can't get enough of it.

-i feel like i have lost the touch of making new friends.  i don't really know why.  maybe people like me less than before?  maybe i like other people less?  maybe i'm destined to be a hermit?  i don't know.

-i'm obsessed with leggings.  i would wear a flowy dress with leggings every day.  it's like wearing sweats that are work appropriate.

-i'm obsessed with zooey deschanel.  her show '"new girl" is freaking awesome.  i think she is so great.

-i love being sore after a good work out.  my favorite kind of sore comes on the morning after a really intense night of volleyball.

-i love fresh peas.  i don't think there is anything better than eating peas straight from the pod after they are picked from the garden.

-on the other hand, i hate cooked peas.  they make me want to throw up.  when i was little, i used to shove them in my napkin so my mom thought i ate them.

-i sometimes feel like i don't fit in anywhere, even though i know there are places that i will always belong.

-i have to stop myself from rocking out at work while listening to pandora.  there are some songs, fleetwood mac especially, that just stirs up a need to belt.

-i wish i was creative.  i see so many people i know making this cute stuff for cheeeeap.  i'm afraid i am going to have to forgo my frugality and buy the expensive originals because i just can't do this creating thing.

red box

not that red box.  although, who doesn't like to get newly released movies for a dollar?  when you can find a red box location with the movie you want, that is.  no, the little red box i am talking about is that blasted facebook notification icon.  who doesn't love to get on their facebook page and seeing that crimson square?  it means someone found something you said important or funny.  it is instant validation.  "hey you.  you are smart. you are funny.  you are better than everyone else.  really, you just rock.  run for president.  i bet you could win."

i admit.  i spend a lot of time thinking about what i can say to make that perfect status.  i try to be witty.  and a lot of time i succeed.  wanna know why?  movie quotes.  song lyrics.  occasionally my own funniness (although i think i am funnier than i actually am).  and i fail miserably sometimes.  at that point, i delete the post and spend 20 minutes trying to come up with something better.  this system seems to have a pretty high success rate.  go me.

it's like magic really, if you think about it.  this little red box is like an instant self-esteem boost.  wouldn't it be great to have that little square pop to tell you how awesome you are whenever you are feeling sad?  i want one to just sit on my shoulder at all times.  some people have an angel and devil.  nope.  forget that.  just give me little facebook notification box and i'll be good to go.  bahhhh only joking.  mostly anyway.

i admit, i wish we lived in a world where that awesome feeling just came all day, every day for every person.  but until then, little red box of wonderful, keep 'em coming, would ya?  much love.

Happy birthday, Baby Girl!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AVERY!!!!  

I feel so lucky to have 2 of the sweetest nieces EVER to grace the face of this earth, and this girl is one of them.  Looooooooove you, baby girl!   

advise me.

i have recently been solicited to "spice" things up in my singles ward.  apparently there has been a hard time getting people to attend fhe and activities.  it's because the things we are doing are boring, if you ask me.  so i was asked to come up with some ideas for family home evening and ward activity night that could possibly draw a larger crowd.  the problem is--i am not so stellar at coming up with ideas.  tell me the idea, and i am more than happy to plan it all out, down to the last detail.  but that creative bone that some people have, i think i was skipped over when they were handing those out.  good thing i know some awesome people who are willing to help a girl out...right???  what are some of activities that you have done in your wards (single or family) that are just soooooo much fun that people can't help but want to come?  what are some service activities that are fun and can involve a lot of people?  what are some fun activities that can be done away from the church house, ie scavenger hunts, camp fire/dutch oven, frisbee golf, etc?  how can we draw out those members who don't really come to things like fhe?  how can we unify the members of the ward through activities?

as a member of the church who used to hate going to fhe and activities, i can fully understand why these people don't want or like to come.  i firmly believe that a lot of the reason they don't come is because they are not interested in the activity going on.  and i'm not saying that every week has to be some big spectacle with fireworks and field trips and excitement, but i do feel like it is needed sometimes.  people will stop coming to fhe if they feel like is a gospel doctrine sunday school lesson all over again (yes, that has been my experience lately).

so.  do me a solid and think back to alllllllllll of those activities you have been to (good and bad) and give me some advice.  because it makes me sad that more than half of the ward doesn't go activities and knowing that we can do something to fix that.

*let me apologize ahead of time if this offends anyone, especially if someone from my ward is reading this.  that was not my intention.