Annoyance

I try really hard to be a good friend. I listen when they need someone to talk to. I drop everything if they need something. I let them vent when someone is bugging them. I don't judge them for things that they have done. I ALWAYS TEXT BACK WHEN THEY TEXT ME, especially when it is important.

I try. I always try to be the very best friend that I can. And there are a lot of times when I don't feel like other people care as much. It reallllllllly bothers me when it is someone who I am supposedly really close to. I understand that people are busy...I am busy too. But how hard it is it to make a little bit of an effort? Text someone back on your lunch break at work or in between classes. There are hundreds of times throughout the day that you could text someone back. It takes like 17 seconds to send a text.

 I know that I am someone who hides my negative/sad emotions. I don't like people to know when I am blue or feeling down and the reasons why. But am I crazy in thinking that the people who I spend the most time with should know that sometimes I really need someone to make that extra effort every once in awhile? Is it really that hard to make an effort to show that you really are there for me? If I text you something, even if it is something trivial, is it hard to text back like 4 words? And I know that part of my problem is that I don't usually just come right out and tell people what is bothering me. I tried to avoid conflict, so I become super passive-aggressive. I just sit there and stew about things and then I get even more upset. Then I get angry and the people I am upset with don't know why. I am trying to work on that, believe me.

 If you can't tell, I am feeling a little bit...neglected? I guess that is the word. I just feel like I put so much effort into making sure that the people in my life know that I care about them and would do anything for them, and I don't get anything like that in return. Last week was especially bad. Some of the people I would talk to or see Every. Single. Day. were basically non-existent in my life last week. And it was hard. And by the time Friday hit, I was seriously down in the dumps. I love my friends and I understand that I am not the number one priority in their lives. I understand that there is a lot going on in everyone's lives, mine included. I understand all of this. I just wish that...I don't know what I wish. Maybe that people could just read my mind? That might be helpful...as long as they can't hear everything I am thinking. Hahahaha.

 To all of my lovely friends out there reading this...I promise that this is not directed at anyone in specific. It is just kind of a blanket annoyance this past week. I love all of my friends and am grateful for all at they do for me. I guess it was just a bad week? I don't know. Don't be offended. Anyway. I guess that is it. Peace and love.

yayyyyyyy!!!

remember this?  remember how i said that things were going to be better for me?  well guess what?  i went out and got me a job!  that's right.  after looking for 3 and a half months, i finally got something.  i am verrrrrrrrry excited about it.  i am going to be an executive assistant to the president of a company called Genesis PURE.  they make health drinks and supplements and stuff (i think).  it is only part time for the first little while, as a trial period, then it will go full time.  i am excited.  this is going to be a good year for me.  plus...i can't wait to go shoppppppppppping again.  i love shopping!  :)

ok.  that's all.

stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid

guys.  if you can't tell by title of the post, i realllllllly think something (more like someone) is stupid.  and i'm about ready to punch someone in the face because of it.  no lie.  it has taken a lot of self control for me not to drive to price and kick some girl straight in the baby maker.
it's no secret that my sissy pants is one of my favorite people on this earth.  she is kinda hilarious and one of the nicest people i know.  and she is having a bit of a hard time. there is some 2-faced, jealous, not-nice-word-that-starts-with-a-b-that-i-would-say-but-i-don't-want-to-offend-anyone that has been spreading rumors about her to her teammates and friends.  and it honestly has taken every single bit of strength i have not to drive to price and tell her what i really think about her.  and then beat the shiz out of her.
can anyone please tell---WHY are girls so awful?  what is the point of bringing someone else down?  if you have a problem with someone, work it our or ignore them.  but there is no need to spread nasty rumors or talk badly about someone.
i have had my fair share of problems with stupid girls.  elementary school was rough.  i went to an accelerated elementary school, so i spent time with girls who were way too mature for their age, myself included.  that means the attack tactics were way more advanced than any 9 year old should be able to come up with.  one particularly hurtful time came my freshman year of college.  i had a roommate who made my life hell.  it was to the point that i tried to find somewhere else to live and even considered transferring to byu (i know.  shocker.  that's how bad it was for me).  but i pushed my way through, and it made me stronger.
but in all of my life, i never thought that something like this would happen to my sister.  she is a good person who cares about the people in her life.  she listens when someone needs a shoulder to cry on.  she would do anything she can to help anyone.  she draws people to her.  people loooooooooove her.  and now there is this awful, awful, awful, awful girl tearing her down and making her think she is not good enough, making her doubt herself and killing her self esteem.  and i really want to know why this stupid person thinks it is ok to call someone a whore consistently or spread untrue rumors, especially about my sister who has never done anything to her.
i just don't get it.  and i'm not lying when i say i am trying to find ways to get revenge on this stupid girl (bad.  i know.  i can't help it).  but for now, i am just trying to do the best i can to help my sissy realize that she is a good person, and that she can't let this stupid girl bring her down.  it's easy to throw rocks at things that shine.  and to remember:

thank you pinterest :)

goals.

holy moly...is anyone else glad that 2011 is over?  i mean, don't get me wrong, it had it's positive times...i walked in graduation, i made some super awesome new friends (shout out to koby and the boys), i learned some verrrrrrrrry important life lessons.  but other than that really, 2011 wasn't my favorite.  so.  i am bound and determined to make 2012 BETTER.  it has to happen.  it is my turn to have things go right for me.  this time, i'm not asking, i'm telling.  things WILL be better.  they have to be.

so.  here are a few of my 2012 goals.  "new years resolutions" always sounds so cliche to me, but in reality, my goals are things i should be doing anyway.  so i am just trying to better my life.

*first and foremost, FIND A GOOD JOB.  i don't know why it is so freaking difficult.  when i was in high school, my teachers always pushed going to college because it was so much easier to get a job with a degree.  the reality of it is that now every place wants EXPERIENCE.  how the eff am i supposed to get experience without having a job?  it is majorly bumming me out.  but i am trying to stay positive, and at this point, i am ready to take any job that does not involve serving/cooking/smelling like food.  so if any of you out in blog land know of any leads, pleeeeeeeeeease send them my direction. 

*read my scriptures every day.  when i was working, this was so easy because i would read on my lunch break or when i didn't have anything to do.  i felt so much more at peace when i was reading every day.  but since being unemployed, i have been lazy.  i haven't been finding the time to read them.  i get sucked into looking for jobs on my computer or watching tv, and at night i am to tired or lazy to pull them out.  so i am making it a priority in my life again, as it should have been the whole time.

*get healthy, which is actually something i have been working on a lot during the last couple of months.  december, of course, has been the hardest month, because there is sooooooooo much going on and sooooooo many deliciously fattening foods to eat.  luckily for me, sweets aren't nearly as appealing to me as they used to be, so it has been a little easier.  i am still planning on running in a relay race with my friends in may, and that is a HUGE stress.  i still HATE. RUNNING. MORE. THAN. ANYTHING.  but it is something i want to do.  so hopefully i can find the dedication to make it work.

*try to not swear anymore.  there are 3 words that are my absolute favorite--words that i don't really consider swear words.  hahahaha.  but other people do, and i don't want to offend anyone, so i am working on not saying them anymore.  

*get out of debt as much as i can.  i really don't have a lot of debt at all, just my student loans and my car (which is close to being paid off), but i would really love to get walter paid off 100% and pay extra on my student loans every month, so it doesn't take me 8392043021 years to pay them off.

for the most part, i am happy with who i am.  i finished college which is a bigggggggg deal.  i have good friends, both the ones i have known for a long time and the new, great friends i have made lately.  i have an awesome family that i like to spend time with.  and, even though it is the WORST when someone says "you have a great personality, you'll find someone soon", i do have a pretty great personality.  i am funnnnnnnnny. -not to toot my own horn or anything :) - but i do like the person i am.  so.  here's to a rockin' 2012.