It's going down...I'm yelling TINDER!

You’ve all heard about my adventures in online dating.  No?  You haven’t?  Well read about some of my experiences here.  Lately, I have been doing Tinder.  Because…why not?  It’s free.  Here are some of my observations.

*It’s easier to be bold and “like” someone you normally wouldn't have the balls to talk to because it is anonymous unless you both say yes to each other. 

*There are a lot of mentions of the Oxford Comma.  I have yet to determine if they are referencing the serial comma or the song by Vampire Weekend.

*Seriously has every single guy had their picture taken with a tiger?!  Where are they finding these tigers?  Are the tigers sedated?  Where can I find a tiger?  So many questions.

*It is so easy to waste copious amounts of time on that stupid app.  Yes.  No.  Yes.  Yes.  HELL NO.  Right swipe.  Right swipe.  Left swipe.  Left swipe NOW.  Gahhhh I hope he never pops up of my Tinder again.  Oh hey, you’re pretty cute.  Not interested.  Not interested.  Not interested.  Etc.

*Confession:  I sometimes swipe left (no) to guys that I think are WAY too attractive for me.  Where did all of these gorgeous Greek Gods of men come from?  And why are you not shirtless on every billboard I see on my daily drive?

*I get bothered when guys don’t have any description of themselves.  Not one word.  Why?  Why not say a little something about yourself to make Tinder just a little less shallow and self-absorbed?

*Lots of guys are willing and wanting to lie about where you met.

*About 4 out of every 5 guys have at least one of the following pictures: skiing/snowboarding, snowmobiling, skydiving, hiking in Zions/Moab, mountain biking, or road biking. 

*I also get bothered when guys only have group pictures.  WHICH ONE ARE YOU?  Just take a damn selfie. 

*This also goes for people who only have car pictures, outdoorsy pictures, cartoon-type pictures, e-cards, etc. 

*There are a lot of guys who say that they will never initiate/start a conversation with a girl.  Why?  I have no problem messaging a guy first, but I almost always swipe left to these guys because I shouldn't have to do all the work.

*Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of guys are just looking for hookups.  I had 2 guys ask me on the very same day to come over to their house and makeout with them.  Tinder gives guys some serious cojones!  At least pretend to put some effort into it.  Most girls will gladly give some lip action for a free dinner.

*I really appreciate when a guy puts their height.  It makes things so much easier for me.

*I also appreciate if someone says they are or are not LDS.  Personal preference. 

*There are a lot of quotes.  Some from philosophers, some from movies, some song lyrics.  Most of them are the same.

*Sometimes I judge someone based on their name.  Yep.  I do.  And this isn't a race/ethnicity thing.  Most of the names are on white people.  I just don't like the name.

*I never realized how many service men are in my area!

*I always chuckle when I come across my Facebook friends.  Hey guys!

*KCCO.  I have never seen this more anywhere than I have on Tinder. 

*Sometimes you and your BFF chat with the same guy.  And then he Instagram stalks both of you and knows the connection and STILL tries to continue hitting on both of you.

*There are some really great beards and mustaches out there.

*I really have gone out with some nice fellas.  One was sweet and engaging and {kinda} funny, but there was just nothing there.  At all.  And I felt bad, but it is what it is.

*I do think that Tinder can work to facilitate REAL relationships.  I know a lot of people who met their very significant others on Tinder.

It's fun.  So what the hell?  Let's keep it up.  :)

.lately.

What's been going on in my life lately?  Well.  Let me tell you.  I work.  I workout.  I {sometimes} sleep.  That's about it.  That is a normal day.  Pretty wild, right?  Sometimes I complain that my life is boring or that I don't have any excitement, but then I think - what wrench is going to be thrown into my life to make it less "boring"?  Not so sure I want that.  So I keep my head down and stick to my routine, and maybe one day my boringness will pay off.

*Side note:  I've lost more than 15 pounds since the beginning of the year.  Go me.

And now.  For a photo dump.  Because I'm not feeling at all witty.  And the best way to update you on my life is through pictures.

 And I KNOW everyone would appreciate that...

 Oh hey, Yellowstone.

 Newest babe of the family - Paislee Ty.

 Oldest babes of the family.

 This is my every day life. 

 Brudda got deployed again.

 Let them eat PIE!

 Running off all of that pie.

 Merry Christmas from me and my kitty!

 Is this a sign...?

 I'm adorable.

 This stud muffin got baptized! 

 First day of CrossFit.  CFTP for life!  :)

 Love these girls.

 The sweetie is off to serve the people of Pachuca, Mexico!

 Happy Valentine's Day!

 This girl, though.  She's pretty swell.  

Why don't I have a boyfriend...?

Brazil. Or Brasil. Whichever you prefer.

Recently I went to Brazil for work.  I was there 8 days.  It was quite the...experience.  Some good, some bad.  It was neat to see the different cultures and meet the different people, but let's just say that I'm glad I didn't take this trip on my own dime.  Here are my thoughts...

*Iguassu Falls was, honestly, one of the most beautiful places that I have ever seen in my life.  I can see why it is one of the 7 Natural Wonders of the World (or 7 Wonders of Nature, depending on the list you look at).
*I felt totally safe in Iguassu.  Could have been because we were staying at a 5-Star resort, completely secluded in the national park where you have to have photo identification to enter.
*People in Brazil loooooooove their buffets.  Every single restaurant we went to, and every single meal we had in the hotels had a buffet.  It's almost like Brazil is a country of old people.
*There are so many homeless people.  But they are not out there panhandling or begging for money.  They just want to stay passed out on the sidewalk in peace.
*People love their bodies.  You can see boobs anywhere you go.
*The creepy men on the street aren't pervy.  I was expecting to hear cat calls and see the creepy looks like I did in France, but no.  Probably because they can see boobs everywhere they go.
*I had absolutely no sense of direction in the city of Rio.  We were going South when I though we were going North.  The city is a circle, so basically you never know which direction you're going.
*In big cities like Rio, neighborhood classes are very apparent - the rich are rich and the poor are poor, and there is a big differentiation between the two.
*Consequently, there are a lot of poor people in the rich neighborhoods - they're all the people begging for money or stealing stuff out of your hands.
*Grocery stores and drug stores are separate.  You can't by medication at the grocery stores, and with the exception of like candy and mints, you can't buy food at the drug stores.
*You can, however, buy alcohol ANYWHERE.  Even McDonald's.  Or a pharmacy.  Or a chocolate store.  Or a clothing store.  Or the kiosk on the street.  And not just beer - hard liquor.  For pretty cheap.
*They are obsessed with Mentos, Trident gum, and Halls cough drops.
*Also - I think they think that Halls cough drops are mints or something.
*You can walk down the sidewalk at any given time and probably find 4-7 used condoms.
*Brazilians love to have colored lights on buildings, including official government buildings and churches.  Specifically, green and purple lights.
*The phone booths look like a cross between an artillery helmet and a turtle shell.  In some of the non-touristy neighborhoods, the phone booths are covered in pornographic hooker advertisements.  Similar to those handed out on the strip in Vegas.
*Couples always sit side by side at restaurants and tables, never across from each other.
*The muggers are punk teenagers who are looking for an easy out.
*The people in the service industry do NOT care about the people they are serving.  Waiters, cashiers, etc. will just walk away from you when you're talking to them.  Or not bring you the things you asked for.  It is not customary to tip down there, so they don't care.
*Nike prices are about double than what the same item here would cost.  Very disappointing to me.
*Brazilians are a very diverse group of people in terms of skin color, eye color, heritage, etc.
*Water is not free at restaurants.  In fact, if you don't want to pay for a drink, you go without a drink.
*Some places do not have toilet paper rolls.  They have toilet paper squares.  And you pull the TP out of a box like you would tissues.
*Most of the streets in Rio are surface streets; they seem to have very few freeways.
*I once had a bird attack my foot in a bird sanctuary.  They should have had a sanctuary for me.
*When you get a "deep tissue massage", they really mean deeeeeeeeeep tissue.  I had bruises on my shoulder blades the next day.
*I really missed watching American TV.  Even the American shows were translated to Portuguese.  And I understand why.  But it frustrated me.  Good thing I had movies to watch on my iPad.
*They serve soooooo much meat.  At every meal.  Remember the buffets I mentioned above?  The meat options at those buffets are unreal.
*Speaking of meat - Brazilian steakhouses in the US don't compare.
*Wild monkeys can be compared to the animals at Yellowstone - they have become so accustomed to people feeding them that they are no longer afraid of humans.  When we were at the Sugar Loaf tour, there were so many monkeys begging for food that I probably could have picked one up and brought it home with me.
*The ocean felt warm and lovely to me.  But I hear that most everyone else in our group thought it was freezing...it is apparently colder than the water in the Gulf of Mexico.  Not surprising.
*It was surprisingly not as humid as I thought it would be.  I was not sweating to death under all of my layers.
*The Christ the Redeemer statue was pretty neat.  It didn't hold any religious feelings for me, but I can see why some people feel a deep, spiritual connection there.  But the 125-foot tall Jesus was pretty cool to see.
*Overall, I do NOT think that Rio is ready for the Olympics in 2016.  It is not really visitor friendly.  People get mugged at knifepoint (my boss) or have their phones stolen right out of their hands (my coworker).  Not many people speak English, and even fewer speak any other language.  They have a lot of work to do to get ready.

Ok.  Here's some pictures.  :)

I got attacked by a scary bird right after this picture was taken.  

Heyyyyy Giant Jesus.

Hanging out at the beach.  Awesome.

Iguassu Falls.  It's like a painting!

Cashew juice.  Yes.  Cashew.  Like the nut.  I learned a lot about cashews on this trip.

Just a huge political protest.  NBD.

Looking out over Rio at Sugar Loaf.

On TAM Airlines, they give you a whole package of snacks.  Not just one, Delta.  Not just one.

My favorite place in Rio - Lapa.  The streets were lined with restaurants playing live music.  It was awesome.  Gross food, though.

The Marina from on top of Sugar Loaf.

Hey little monkey!

Hahaha I thought this picture was hilarious.  This is a bunch of people from our group taking pictures of the monkey from above.

Found this gem at the best restaurant we went to.  Yes, that is an elevator door with cherubs painted on it.

WANTED:

A man who...

*can make me laugh.

*loves his family.

*has a testimony.

*respects me and my testimony (and not just says he does but freaks out when I stop him from putting his hands down my pants or something).

*likes sports.

*likes to be outside.

*can get along with all different types of people.

*is willing to play with the 4 (soon to be 5) most important people in my life, including building forts, jumping on the trampoline, playing catch, and being a human jungle gym.

*will laugh at my stupid, lame, not-funny jokes.

*will be able to carry on a conversation and force me to talk when I get nervous and awkwardly silent.

*is willing to watch silly movies that I think are funny, even though most guys think they are dumb (such as: Easy A, Pitch Perfect, The Backup Plan, etc.).

*loves Disneyland.  And Disney movies.

*doesn't get weird when I cry.  Over everything.

*will love my extended family as much as I do.  Or at least tolerate them.

*will just shake his head and chuckle when I make "that's what she said" jokes.

*will answer my questions and not make me feel stupid for not knowing.

*is ok with comfortable silence.

*makes me feel safe.

*can be immature and silly and do dumb things like roll down hills and dance in the aisles at the grocery store.

*will motivate me to workout and be healthy.

*will still love me if I decide that running is the worst thing in the world and stop doing it.  And then balloon up to 500 pounds.

*loves french fries.

*Disclaimer: this is not some desperate plea, some pathetic outcry.  I just tend to attract weirdies or the emotionally unavailable ones.  Or if I do happen to go on a date with someone I could be interested in, I get all nervous and lose my words.  Most days, I really don't mind being single.  I am OK.  Other days, I get lonely.  And I start to wonder what is wrong with me after I go on all of these uncomfortable dates with guys who are nowhere near what I'm looking for.  Mostly this post is just to be funny.  And I will live my life happily with my cat, Chipper. :) *

I Left My Heart in Ireland

You guys...Ireland was AMAZING.  Seriously.  Like the coolest thing I have ever done.  I would go back in a heartbeat.  I won't go into all of the crazy awesome details, because there are a LOT.  I'll just give some highlights.  :)

*The people are so incredibly nice.  I did not meet one single grumpy, unpleasant, unhappy person there.  Everyone sooooonice and willing to help in any way possible.  Every time we got lost, someone was there to give us directions with a smile.  Any place that we went, people asked us where in the US we were from and how long we were going to be on holiday.  I loved them.  

*They have the most delicious hot chocolate over there.  

*Driving is TERRIFYING.  You're on the wrong side of the road, on the wrong side of the car.  The lanes are insanely narrow.  No one has any regard for the speed limit.  The roads curve and bend and twist in crazy ways.  Semis will pass you on a curve going 20 KM over the speed limit and won't give a second thought about it.  There are no street signs. There are an excessive amount of roundabouts (which are actually super helpful when you are lost and work really well, since people know how to use them).  And you never drive on the same road twice.  We traveled the whole country and only drove on the same road once.
*The food.  Not my favorite.  Although anyone who knows me shouldn't be surprised by that.  I ate a LOT of chicken.  There was even one time I had to make a request for chicken at a fancy restaurant.  And let me tell you...they were not impressed by that.  And they don't care if you don't want a side of mushy peas with your beer-battered-deep-fried-chicken-tenders-that-was-actually-supposed-to-be-fish and chips.  They bring them anyway.  And you pretend to eat those mushy peas while trying not to vomit by the look and smell.  

*Everyone eats at LEAST two courses for every meal, but normally three or four courses.  These people can pound. it. back.  I saw old lades eat more than any person I have ever seen.  And they don't have leftovers...no to-go boxes, no saving it for later.  You finish your food.  All of it.  Every course.  And it's not light food either.  It's heavy, full of starch and fat food...potatoes, meat, chocolate desserts.  It's outrageous.

*Speaking of the ridiculous amount of food...I did not see one overweight person.  Not one.  People are petite over there.  Not even a beer gut.  I don't know how they do it with all of the food and alcohol they consume.

*The landscape is honestly one of the prettiest things I have ever seen.  And so diverse!  It's not just the green that you see in the movies, although I have never seen anywhere greener.  But there are mountains and lades and rivers and the ocean and shrubs and trees and rolling hills and bogs and brush and rocks and cliffs.  It's amazing.

*It rains.  Like a lot.  But you probably already knew that.  Did you know that is snows in March over there?  And that people don't know how to drive in the snow?  Reminded me of home.

*Gaelic is the strangest language I have ever heard.  I could not catch on in anyway.

*We once had a hotel room that was a "double".  Which over there obviously means one queen bed and two twin beds.

*Dessert is delicious and incredibly rich.  Did I mention delicious?

*One of my favorite things was going to church over there.  I love how consistent the Gospel is.  It was humbling and amazing.

This is just a few lovely details from my AMAZING trip.  I loved every part of it.  I would go back again in .00938 seconds.  Next trip...Scotland.  Or Switzerland.  Or Italy.  Who knows?!  But somewhere!  Now for some pictures...  :)  (these aren't in any type of order...blogger makes it too difficult to organize pictures)

One of my most favorite landscapes we saw.  

Hi!  I'm in Ireland!  :)

I kissed the Blarney Stone!  Here's hoping the legend comes true...

Hot Chocolate and cheesecake.  YUM.

Melissa and me on the Ring of Kerry tour...

Cliffs of Moher

It's the ocean!

That's about as close to the edge as I could get...so scary!

The closest I got to kissing an Irish man...

Wrong side of the car...wrong side of the road.

Pierce Brosnan got married here.  My dreams of seeing him there were crushed.

St. Patrick's Cathedral

Yes.  These are the mushy peas.

Um...HELLO!  So pretty.

Rock of Dunamase...also known as a crumbling castle.