Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Creepers.

I seriously attract the creepiest and weirdest people.  And that is not even a lie.  I have written about my "adventures" in online dating before.  Occasionally I get bored or lonely and will sign up again.  This was the case a couple of weeks ago.  I got bored and signed up on one, just for hell's sake.  I thought it might help me cross off the "one date per month" that is on my bucket list (so far - zero, in case you are wondering).  

On to the super creep who I most recently attracted.  This man who messaged me seemed nice enough.  He was pretty cute.  He was LDS.  He didn't drink.  He was taller than me.  Anyway, when he asked for my number, I gave it to him.  That is when the trouble started.  After about 2 texts, I knew I was not impressed.  The off-color, shall we say, jokes did not sit that well with me.  I came out and told him that I wasn't interested like 3 minutes into the conversation.  Then it started - continuous phone calls, texts every 30 seconds, some seriously inappropriate pictures.  It was AWFUL.  After asking him to stop texting me more than once and to no avail, I finally threatened to call the cops and file a harassment suit against him if he didn't leave me alone.

Seriously - how the hell do I attract such a weird group of people???  I think I am a fairly normal.  I may have some quirky traits - I like to make up songs and sing them, I frequently bust out random accents, I make weird faces at people, I don't like flimsy silverware - but I am a good, decent, normal person.  It gets rather discouraging at times.  I often wonder if I will ever find a normal man.  I want to start singing Bonnie Tyler's I Need a Hero..."where have all the good men gone and where are all the gods?  Where's the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds?"

Bahhh.  I really don't know why I write these things down for you guys to read.  But there you go.

4 comments:

Katie said...

HAHAHA Chelsee this is hysterical! Though I kinda feel bad for laughing so hard. ;) I had my fair share of weirdos. One guy approached me at a car wash while I was washing my car and said he needed me to come with him?? Uh... NO! One guy asked me out at the Costco Gas station and he was cute so we hung out and he ended up being anti mormon and trying to get me to watch some anti mormon videos. Um, no thanks. One guy (when I lived in St. George) I met and talked to more than a few times asked me out. We went to Mesquite to a club and ON THE DRIVE told me he was MARRIED! Serious. Then I kept going to the club with him because I thought maybe I assumed it was a date and it wasn't? Oh it was a date, and he got wasted at the club and still attempted to drive me home to which I stood my ground until he gave me his keys. On the drive home I had to sit on my hands because he kept trying to hold them! FREAK IN THE FREAK! Then another guy that asked me out in St. George wanted to go hiking in Zions... by ourselves... on a 1st date. To which I was like... creepy, and invited my sister and her boyfriend. Then when he came to pick me up he asked ME to drive! And he had a free pass to Zions... so pretty much his date was free since I drove. HAHAHAHA So... you, my friend, are not the only one that attracts weirdos. I had my fair share, and persistence surely pays off!!! :) Keep on keepin on!!!

Amy said...

Haha oh Chelsee I may have laughed out loud on this one and shared your story with my co-workers. I promise there are normal guys out there. Seriously though I think you're great and this story is hilarious! You'll find Mr. Right soon and then you can have some funny stories to tell your grandkids about your days of dating!

Meggers said...

I just want you to know that I am in the same boat and want to date again. I have thought SEVERAL times about signing up online again...but I just cant do it. I know those creepers exist. We should just start a club.

Kateka said...

HAHAHAHAHA! Thank you for sharing, totally made my night.