despair.

I'm not one who usually broadcasts about my problems. Sometimes I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to about what is going on in my life because no one understands. It has gotten to the point where I just need to get my feelings out, and it looks like this is the only way I feel I can really do that without worrying that I am making somebody feel bad or making someone feel sorry for me. I am not looking for sympathy or pity. This is another one of those posts to make myself feel a little better. Maybe that is a little selfish. But it is my blog and I can do whatever the eff I want.

It has been so hard for me to stay positive lately. The financial burden on my family has been so hard. I try not to get involved or try not to worry but when it causes this much stress, it is hard to ignore. I don't even know if I can go back to school in the fall. And that breaks my heart. I complain constantly when I am in Logan about how much I hate being there and how much I want to be done with school, but I want to go back to school so bad. I love my family and I love being home...that is why I come home almost every weekend. But sometimes I need to get away. Living with roommates and being out on my own is so freeing.

I wish that I could do more to help my parents out. I do my best not to ask for money to go out or for clothes. I try to help around the house to relieve some stress. But sometimes it seems like it isn't enough. I looked and looked for a job and finally found one...I work 2 hours next week. At $6.75/hour. That doesn't even pay for my gas. I love my internship, but I put so much work and so many hours into something that I don't get anything out of except experience. Sometimes it seems like such a waste to me.

I just want life to turn around for us. Isn't it our turn for some relief? I try not to be negative. I try to be so grateful for the things that I have and the blessings in my life.

Life is just hard.