missing.

i am feeling a wave of nostalgia as of late.  i just seem to be missing a lot of things, people, experiences.  life was so much simpler back when...(which reminds me a the tim mcgraw song "back when"...not my favorite, but fitting for today).  Here are some things i miss...

-my grandparents.  it has been 5 1/2 years since my grandma passed away, and 2 years since my grandpa passed.  i thought it would get easier with time, but i think i miss them more and more every day.
-utah state.  college life was so fun.
-not paying any bills.  being an adult sucks.
-summer.  i am missing summer earlier this year than usual.  usually i don't whine about wanting summer back until january.
-the era of the boy bands.  nsync, please come back to me!
-people of my past.  i know that i had to cut some of these people out of my life because they were toxic and always bringing me down, but i do miss them.  there was a reason we were friends once before, right?
-alllllllllll those super friends who don't live close to me (and the ones that do live close to me but i never get to see)..sucks growing up and growing apart.
-the fruity, zebra bubble gum.  i don't remember what it is called, but it was sure delicious!

on a happier note...i crossed off an item on my bucket list:  black eye.  yep.  i've always wanted a black eye.  all my years playing sports and getting elbows the face, i never got one.  then last week, i was playing volleyball and got rocked harrrrrrrrd when a very large man ran into me.  we were both going for the ball.  i wish someone would have got it on film.  i suspect it looked like something straight from a movie, all slow motiony and stuff.  it broke my nose, and i finallllllly got my black eye.  fortunately, i fixed the crookedness myself when i was blowing my nose in the church bathroom, so i didn't have to have a doctor rebreak it and then set it.  now it is still a little swollen and a little sore.  it hurts to blow my nose and i feel congested a lot.  but for the most part, it is good.  yay for broken nose!

i still don't have a job.  i didn't get the one i interviewed for.  bummer because it paid a lot.  oh well.  i feel like things will work out the way they are supposed to.  since i am getting unemployment and have some income coming in, i am focusing my time on finding the right job and not just any job.  it has been nice being able to sleep in and hang out with friends later than 10 pm.  but i do feel like i am going stir crazy.  i feel like i am not using my brain to it's full capability and that is bugging me.  sitting at home all day every day is not my idea of a good time.

ok.  that's all.  peace.  love.  rock and roll.

betrayal

monday after i posted the last post, i found out some more about the circumstances involving my being laid off. one of my coworkers, i'll call him d-bag, and i were friends from day one.  we got along really well and liked to joke around.  after about a month or so of working there, d-bag added me as a friend on facebook.  against my better judgement, i confirmed him.  i hesitated because facebook can be a pretty personal thing (and i have a hard time not voicing my opinions freely and openly), and i wasn't sure i wanted a coworker knowing that much about me.  but i did it anyway.  throughout the months, i kind of began to regret it.  he made fun of me for liking "big brother" and when i got my legs waxed.  still, it wasn't anything i should have been concerned about.

it was no secret at work that my boss and i did not get along.  in fact, d-bag was a source of comfort for me on days when i wanted to quit.  he let me know that everyone else in the office appreciated the job i was doing.  he also told me that every other person in the office felt the same way about the boss, that everyone had problems working for him.  after a particularly long day of being yelled at, i put on facebook that i wanted to look for a new job.  the next day, d-bag messaged me on our instant message system and asked me if i was ok and if i wanted to talk about it.  before i said anything, i asked him if it was just between the two of us and to please not say anything to anyone.  he said, and i quote "facebook stays on facebook".  so i told him that i didn't get paid enough money to deal with the stress of working with my boss, and that sometimes i felt like i was being taken advantage of.  

come to find out, he went to said boss, human resources, and every.other.employee telling them that i was running my mouth about not making enough money to sit around and do nothing all day.  and that is the reason why i lost my job.  not because "it is just not economical for the company" to keep me at my wage.  not because i had stopped performing my duties satisfactorily.  but because a person i thought was my friend, a person i trusted, dug into my life pretending to care and then twisted my words around.  i honestly have never felt more betrayed in my life.  a person i trusted, a person who pretended to be my friend completely stabbed me in the back.  

i know that this was my fault.  i should not have said anything.  but i honestly thought that i could trust this person.  we had been friends since i started.  but i guess that doesn't mean anything to some people.  i have learned my lesson, though, and will never. ever. ever. again make that mistake.  

ugh.  stupid people.

there's a first time for everything.

ever been laid off before?  me either.  until friday, that is.  as i was locking the doors and getting ready to leave, my peach of a boss calls me into his office to tell me that "it just isn't economical" for the company to keep me at the wage they are paying me (oh?  the wage that isn't too far above minimum wage that i have been struggling to survive on for the past 5 months?  that wage?  ok.  cool).  so they are going back to a minimum wage employee that will be "strictly there to answer phones and greet guests".  the thing that pisses me off is that our firm is working on more projects now than when i started.  so clearly, it is not an economic situation.  it's not secret that i can't stand the man, and that i have had to go to the hr lady and the president of the company on more than one situation because of the way he has treated me.  so, if you don't like me because i won't take you treating me like an indentured servant, then own it!  don't hide behind some economical/financial bull shit excuse.  i have a degree in business.  i am not naive or stupid.  i know how things work.  do you wanna know what i don't think is "economical"?  paying him a laaaarge salary to have him sit at his desk and sleep.  i wish i was being paid to take a nap.  so now i have two weeks left of work and then i am back to this unemployed business.  i had an interview on friday for a job that i think i could really like, so i'm hoping that works out.  if not, i will go back to the search.  bummer.

wanna know what else bothers me about that whole "situation"?  he told me at 4:50 on friday afternoon (way to ruin a weekend, right?).  if he had told me the day before or even just a little earlier that day, i could have gone to the usu-byu football game.  i had an opportunity to go.  but i decided to stay and work.  maybe it is a good thing i couldn't go, because it was a heartbreaking game for my ags.  being an aggie fan is so stressful sometimes.

on a lighter note, didn't you just looooooooooooooooooooooove general conference?  i did.  like loved it a whole lot.  i am so proud to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, proud to be called a "mormon".  my favorite talk (and i don't have my notes with me so i don't remember who gave it) was the one that talked about "waiting on the Lord".  it seemed to be exactly what i needed to hear at that time.  waiting on the Lord means to hope and have faith in His timing.  that is what i am going to have to do a lot of in the coming days, weeks, months.  everything always seems better after spending two days listening to the apostles of the Lord and getting such inspiring revelation.  i love it.  can't wait for the conference edition of the ensign to come out!

i remember writing a couple months ago and saying how i was just waiting for that next crappy thing to come along.  looks like it has.  if anyone has any jobs they know about, pleeeeeeease let me know.  being unemployed is not good for my sanity.

until then.  peace.