Lessons Learned: A few teachings from my virtually non-existent dating life.

It's no secret that I'm not a huge dater.  I've talked about it a little bit before, but let me tell you a secret that you probably didn't know - I have only been on one date in about the last 2 years.  Embarrassing, right?  

I have signed up, yet again, with an online dating service, hoping for better results (don't worry...it is not the same site as mentioned in the previous post).  I have hope that maybe one day I will have some better results.  I know people who have met their spouses from online dating.  In fact, my visiting teacher is engaged to someone she met online.  So I know it works.  And I'm hoping that one day it works for me.

The problem is...guys just don't want to date me.  I seem to have that same problem everywhere I go...whether it is through the internet or in person.  I have tried to figure out the reasoning behind it - I put off a man-hating vibe, I'm too tall, I'm too heavy, guys don't like the insane amount of sarcasm that just seems to flow out of my mouth, men are distracted by my intensely overpowering beauty.  I don't know.  I try not to think about it too much, because the truth of the matter is - I like myself.  I really do.  It took me a loooooooong time to get to this place, but I am happy with who I am and what I have accomplished in my life.

I'm really at a point in my life where I just want to date.  Do I want to get married?  Absolutely.  But am I ready for it or am I looking for it?  I don't really think so right now.  I'm just looking to find out the things I want in a future man, and possibly make some friends along the way.  Is that really too much to ask?  I recently read a hilarious book (a silly romance novel, don't judge) that documented one girl's experiences with online dating.  And I loved it.  So I am going to try not to be so picky, while still being a little bit selective, and go out with more guys.  Usually, I just get nervous and freak out over small things but I'm going to work past that and just focus on having fun.

Now here is where you, my dear, lovely, beautiful, funny, amazing (am I laying it on too thick?), blog readers come in.  If you know any single men who want to hang out with an outgoing and funny (yeah, I'll say it.  I'm funny) girl, send them my direction.  I promise I will try not to scare them away too quickly.

And now for the moment you have all been waiting for...a few things I have learned from my experiences with dating.  I don't know how many of my blog readers are male (hey Bryce!), but you ladies are free to pass these words of "wisdom" on.

*Don't give a girl the "chicken wing", especially if you are going to do it every two minutes.

          The "chicken wing", as I have so affectionately named it, is when someone sticks their elbow out to nudge you, usually accompanied with a nod and an "ehhh", while trying to impress you or get your affirmation for something.  It has been dubbed the chicken wing, because it frequently makes the person look like a downed chicken, flailing its wings about while trying to take flight.  I once had a guy do this to me about every 30 seconds during a movie.  I left that date with a bruise the size of Texas.

*Don't stick your fingers in your mouth after eating, in an attempt to get food off of them.

          Seriously.  That's what napkins are for.  And soap and water.

*Please say more than 4 words while on a date.

          Especially if it is the type of date where interaction is required, as to not make things awkward.  Example: when taking a date to the midnight drags at RMR, it would be a helpful tool to talk to the girl, especially since the activity is probably not something she is interested in.

*Never ever ever ever ever run your tongue all over your date's face while kissing.

          This one doesn't need much explanation.  All I can say is GROSS.

*Don't ever send a girl naked pictures of you.

          Again, no explanation needed.

*Don't act too shy to speak during dinner, and then try to make the moves during a movie.

          Is this one of those "put the girl down first, then she will love you when you bring her back up" kind of things?  Doesn't work so well.

In case any of you are wondering...yes, all of these experiences are my own.  I attract the best, don't I?

Now validate me with your comments!  Please and thank you.  :)