Lessons Learned: A few teachings from my virtually non-existent dating life.

It's no secret that I'm not a huge dater.  I've talked about it a little bit before, but let me tell you a secret that you probably didn't know - I have only been on one date in about the last 2 years.  Embarrassing, right?  

I have signed up, yet again, with an online dating service, hoping for better results (don't worry...it is not the same site as mentioned in the previous post).  I have hope that maybe one day I will have some better results.  I know people who have met their spouses from online dating.  In fact, my visiting teacher is engaged to someone she met online.  So I know it works.  And I'm hoping that one day it works for me.

The problem is...guys just don't want to date me.  I seem to have that same problem everywhere I go...whether it is through the internet or in person.  I have tried to figure out the reasoning behind it - I put off a man-hating vibe, I'm too tall, I'm too heavy, guys don't like the insane amount of sarcasm that just seems to flow out of my mouth, men are distracted by my intensely overpowering beauty.  I don't know.  I try not to think about it too much, because the truth of the matter is - I like myself.  I really do.  It took me a loooooooong time to get to this place, but I am happy with who I am and what I have accomplished in my life.

I'm really at a point in my life where I just want to date.  Do I want to get married?  Absolutely.  But am I ready for it or am I looking for it?  I don't really think so right now.  I'm just looking to find out the things I want in a future man, and possibly make some friends along the way.  Is that really too much to ask?  I recently read a hilarious book (a silly romance novel, don't judge) that documented one girl's experiences with online dating.  And I loved it.  So I am going to try not to be so picky, while still being a little bit selective, and go out with more guys.  Usually, I just get nervous and freak out over small things but I'm going to work past that and just focus on having fun.

Now here is where you, my dear, lovely, beautiful, funny, amazing (am I laying it on too thick?), blog readers come in.  If you know any single men who want to hang out with an outgoing and funny (yeah, I'll say it.  I'm funny) girl, send them my direction.  I promise I will try not to scare them away too quickly.

And now for the moment you have all been waiting for...a few things I have learned from my experiences with dating.  I don't know how many of my blog readers are male (hey Bryce!), but you ladies are free to pass these words of "wisdom" on.

*Don't give a girl the "chicken wing", especially if you are going to do it every two minutes.

          The "chicken wing", as I have so affectionately named it, is when someone sticks their elbow out to nudge you, usually accompanied with a nod and an "ehhh", while trying to impress you or get your affirmation for something.  It has been dubbed the chicken wing, because it frequently makes the person look like a downed chicken, flailing its wings about while trying to take flight.  I once had a guy do this to me about every 30 seconds during a movie.  I left that date with a bruise the size of Texas.

*Don't stick your fingers in your mouth after eating, in an attempt to get food off of them.

          Seriously.  That's what napkins are for.  And soap and water.

*Please say more than 4 words while on a date.

          Especially if it is the type of date where interaction is required, as to not make things awkward.  Example: when taking a date to the midnight drags at RMR, it would be a helpful tool to talk to the girl, especially since the activity is probably not something she is interested in.

*Never ever ever ever ever run your tongue all over your date's face while kissing.

          This one doesn't need much explanation.  All I can say is GROSS.

*Don't ever send a girl naked pictures of you.

          Again, no explanation needed.

*Don't act too shy to speak during dinner, and then try to make the moves during a movie.

          Is this one of those "put the girl down first, then she will love you when you bring her back up" kind of things?  Doesn't work so well.

In case any of you are wondering...yes, all of these experiences are my own.  I attract the best, don't I?

Now validate me with your comments!  Please and thank you.  :)

Creepers.

I seriously attract the creepiest and weirdest people.  And that is not even a lie.  I have written about my "adventures" in online dating before.  Occasionally I get bored or lonely and will sign up again.  This was the case a couple of weeks ago.  I got bored and signed up on one, just for hell's sake.  I thought it might help me cross off the "one date per month" that is on my bucket list (so far - zero, in case you are wondering).  

On to the super creep who I most recently attracted.  This man who messaged me seemed nice enough.  He was pretty cute.  He was LDS.  He didn't drink.  He was taller than me.  Anyway, when he asked for my number, I gave it to him.  That is when the trouble started.  After about 2 texts, I knew I was not impressed.  The off-color, shall we say, jokes did not sit that well with me.  I came out and told him that I wasn't interested like 3 minutes into the conversation.  Then it started - continuous phone calls, texts every 30 seconds, some seriously inappropriate pictures.  It was AWFUL.  After asking him to stop texting me more than once and to no avail, I finally threatened to call the cops and file a harassment suit against him if he didn't leave me alone.

Seriously - how the hell do I attract such a weird group of people???  I think I am a fairly normal.  I may have some quirky traits - I like to make up songs and sing them, I frequently bust out random accents, I make weird faces at people, I don't like flimsy silverware - but I am a good, decent, normal person.  It gets rather discouraging at times.  I often wonder if I will ever find a normal man.  I want to start singing Bonnie Tyler's I Need a Hero..."where have all the good men gone and where are all the gods?  Where's the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds?"

Bahhh.  I really don't know why I write these things down for you guys to read.  But there you go.

Lately.

Lately...

*I have been watching an excessive amount of "Saved by the Bell".  Zack Morris is just as foxy now as he was back then.
*I am slightly obsessed with my iPhone.  But I don't have problem...
*I cannot WAIT for this weekend.  Father's Day weekend is my absolute FAVORITE weekend of the whole entire year.  I need it to recharge my batteries, to get away from everyone and everything that is bringing me down.  I can't wait to visit the cemetery and sit with my grandparents for awhile.  Sounds morbid, I know, but I am looking forward to it.
*I kinda love Jason Mraz's new cd.  It is pretty swell.
*Softball has started for my single's ward.  Tuesdays are, once again, my favorite night of the week.
*I am trying to sell Walter.  We have had a good run, but I think it is time to move on.
*I still hate running.  But I did the Dirty Dash and it was amaaaaaazing.  I will blog about it at another time.
*The last couple of weeks, I have been in a confusing situation with one of my close friends.  I'm not really sure what is going on, but we haven't been talking like at all.  It has been really hard for me, and has been quite painful.  I'm trying to stay positive, hoping that it is not something I have done - that this person is just going through something they need to work out on their own.  It is just hard to see them so friendly with others.  I don't know.  But I had a talk with one of my amazing ecclesiastical leaders, and it has helped me get some perspective.
*I am on the search for new ways to style my hair.  I feel like it is the same old, tired look.  I don't want to cut my hair, I just want to learn some new ways to do it.
*My beverage of choice lately has been cream soda.  It is delightful.
*One of my favorite things about summer is SNO CONES!  Mmmmm.
*Also.  Big Brother starts in about a month.  And I cannot wait.
*I have had soooooo many allergies this year, that I think I need to buy stock in Kleenex.

Ok.  That is kinda it, I guess.  Peace and love.

25 before 25

Guys.  I turn 25 years old this year.  And I am freaking out about it a little bit.  And I know people will tell me that 25 isn't even old, blah blah blah blah.  But it feels old.  I have a whole list of things that I want to do before I turn a quarter of a century old.  That gives me less than 4 months to get these all checked off.  Yes, I know some of them will not be possible, so those ones will just transfer over to my 30 before 30 list.

So...who wants to help make this the BEST. SUMMER. EVER?  :)

1. Sleep until noon
2. Run in a race
        FINISHED!  And have two more coming up.  Bahhhh I still hate running.
3. Pay off my car
4. Jump off the high dive
5. Kiss a total stranger
6. Give up Diet Coke
7. Teach myself to like avocados
8. Go skinny dipping (technically I have already done this, but it was more skinny run-into-the-water-and-run-back-out, so it needs to be on there again)
9. Save $500 dollars (apart from my regular savings) and go on a shopping spree
10. Participate in "Ellen's Dance Dare" and submit it to her show
11. See Garth Brooks in concert
12. Go to a professional baseball game
         GO BRAVES!
13. Make a dress that I will love to wear
14. Go to a formal event that requires me to get really dressed up
15. Lose 20 more pounds
16. Visit a state I haven't been to before
         Colorado?  Check!  But I do want to visit more.
17. Eat funnel cake at a fair
18. Go an entire day without eating one single piece of candy/sweets
19. Learn to waterski
20. Make 5 of the recipes I have pinned on Pinterest
21. Go paragliding
         Coolest thing of my life.  So glad I did it.
22. Go on one date during every month of the summer (doesn't seem like a lot but I NEVER date)
23. Make 10 blankets to donate to a children's hospital
24. Learn to play a song on the guitar
25. Be happy with my body and who I am - don't let other's opinion of me bring me down

*Honorary goal: make a scene in a public place

Ok.  Now be a dear and help me cross of these things in my life.  :)

#ihaterunning

Notice the title of the post?  I think #hashtagging is cool.  I don't do it often because I don't want to be one of those people who hashtags everything.  Because that is not cool.  Ok.  Moving on.

See the other part of the title?  The "I hate running" part?  That's because I do.  My race was on Saturday.  I for real almost died.  It was fun to be able to run with my girls, but I hated every second of it.  The race was a relay, with each person running two legs ranging from 5.84 miles to 7.1 miles.  Thank goodness for Janae who was willing to run my other leg for me.  That means I was left with only a 6 mile leg to run.  She is champ and totally my hero.

I think I kinda psyched myself out for this run, because I felt like I was going to die 2 miles into the leg.  2 miles is nothing for me.  I do almost 3 on my easy days.  I think part of the problem is that I had no reference points.  I had no idea how far I had gone or how much further I had to go.  In my training, I know exactly how far I had gone, and I think that helped.  But during the race, I was going and I was thinking that I had run for like 45 minutes, but really I had only gone like 4 blocks - which is nothing.  It was frustrating.  And I was sloooow.  I was almost the slowest person to run the leg.  But I actually ended up being faster than I had originally thought I had done it in.  And you know what?  It's ok.  It is ok that I had to walk a significant distance.  It is ok that I almost cried when I thought it was never going to end.  You know why?  Because I did it.  If you could see how far I have come from a year ago, you would think it is ok too.  :)

Alright.  Here are some pictures.  So glad that I got to run this with Rose, Brit, Nat, and Janae.  You girls are the besssst!

These are our super sweet car decorations.  Yes.  I decorated a window specifically for myself.  Because I am that awesome.

All of us girlies before the race.

 My pre-race picture.

Coming in.  Don't let this picture fool you...I walked a significant amount and then ran the last little bit.  :)

With my sissy pants right after I got done running.

 About to cross the finish line! 

52 miles in 9 hours.  I would say that is a success.

 My medal!

Now I just gotta start preparing for the Dirty Dash....  AAAAAAAAH.

Adventures

This past weekend was quite the little adventure for me.  There were parts that were AMAZING.  And then there were parts that make me cringe when I think of them.  But it was definitely an adventure.

My bestie, Koby, and I headed to Denver to see the Atlanta Braves take on the Colorado Rockies.  Koby is a huuuuuuuge Braves fan, which makes me a fan by association (but I am now a real fan and have done my research to back it up).  I had to get up at 4:15 AM on Saturday morning (should be illegal).  We left at 5:30 to pick up a cat that we were dropping off at a friend's parents' house in Colorado.  The cat was supposed to be drugged and sleep the whole way - it did not.  In fact, there was one time she got out of her carrier and almost jumped on my head while I was driving.  Scared the shiz out of me.  But I'm sure it gave the other drivers on the road a nice little show to watch.
*Side note: the cat's name is Astrid.  Every time I hear that name, I think of the episode of The Office when Jan has her baby and names it Astrid.  But Michael thinks she names her Ass-turd.  That is what I called the cat the whole way to it's home.
After the longest drive ever, we finally made it to Denver and got ready for the game.  We left significantly early to make sure we could watch warm ups.  We did.  Parking cost me 20 effing dollars. Not so cool.  At the game, I found my looooooovely friend, Nate (he is the coolest and I miss him).  The couple sitting next to me were from Blackfoot, Idaho so we had a nice little chat about that.  The two guys sitting next to Koby were friendly but I couldn't stand to look at them because they had chew all up in their teeth and kept spitting all over the ground.  I almost threw up.

The game was way fun.  The Braves came back from being down by 5 and won 13-9.  We had a rain/hail delay for like an hour and half.  And it was FREEZING.  The rain wasn't supposed to move in until Sunday morning or something, so we were both in shorts and flip flops.  I thought I might die from hypothermia.  But I didn't.

Besties at the Braves game!

 Found Nate!  Love him.  So glad I got to see him.

 3 of the coolest people at the game!

Chipper Jones!  Love some baseball booty!

After the game, we went on a little adventure to find something to eat.  We FINALLY found an Applebees.  I was surprised to see how many restaurants were closed at 11:30...we weren't even in Utah!

Sunday morning, we woke up after sleeping in (much needed and deserved).  Koby and I went and picked up Nate and Kenny to take them to the airport, then we headed on our way.  This is where the trouble started.  We stopped to fill up my car and I noticed that my battery light came on.  So I called my dad and he sent me to an auto store to have the battery checked out.  Welp, it wasn't the battery...it was the alternator.  Definitely not what I wanted to hear.  It was a Sunday afternoon and I couldn't find a mechanic to fix it for me.  I talked to one mechanic who was sooooooo nice.  He said that the alternator wasn't all the way out and there was a chance I could make it home or a chance I could make it 5 miles down the road.  After talking to my dad, we decided to risk it and get a little closer to home...BAD IDEA.

We had been driving for almost an hour when all of my gages went off.  I was afraid I would lose my steering, so I pulled off on the nearest exit.  We were about 30 miles outside of Cheyenne and had to call a wrecker to come tow us into town.  He took us to a hotel then dropped off my car at the Ford dealership...another bad idea.  We stayed at this crazy ghetto Motel 6 with some creeper neighbors and ordered some awful Chinese food.  I made sure my boss at work knew I wouldn't be in the next day.

Koby was trying to keep me positive...it wasn't working so well.  Poor Walter.  :)

The next morning, at 7:21, I get a phone call from the dealership asking me what was wrong.  I wasn't upset because I thought they would be done in a couple of hours.  WRONG.  At 11:45, I called and they hadn't even started on anything.  Checkout for our hotel was noon.  So we had to go sit at the dealership.  They told me it was going to be 800 effing dollars to fix and that they couldn't fix it until the next morning.  I almost crapped my pants.  My dad was pissed that they hadn't done anything and were going to charge so much, so he had us towed to another mechanic.  Then freaking Ford charged me over a hundred dollars to "diagnose" the problem - the problem that had already been diagnosed and I had told them what to do to fix it.  I was a mess.  Fortunately, the other mechanic place was so nice and worked really hard to make sure we could leave that day.  But after all of the towing, having Ford rape me of all of my money, the hotel, and getting the other mechanic paid, it still cost me about $900.  I sure don't have that kind of extra money.  I was way upset about it because the mechanic outside of Denver was only charging me about $350.  I'm trying not to think about it... :)

We finally left the awful town of Cheyenne at 3:30 that afternoon.  And got home at 10 pm that night.  It was sooooooo nice to sleep in my own bed again and not have to pay to stay somewhere.  And know that if anything goes wrong with my car, I have someone here who can fix it without stripping me of my life savings and my credit score.

All in all, it was quite the adventure.  I could have used an extra day of relaxation...one that didn't cost me almost a thousand dollars plus my pay from work.  But that's life.  I'm suuuuuuper glad I was there with Koby.  She helped me keep sane.

Moral of the story - always make sure you have $900 just laying around in case of car problems.  :)

random ramblings.

You guys.  I am a WILD WOMAN.  Today, I went...paragliding.  Anyone who knows me knows what a HUGE accomplishment this is.  Seriously.  This is a big deal.  I have a massive fear of falling.  And dying.  And flying through the air without being tethered to the ground.  And even sometimes flying through the air when I am connected somehow.  But I DID IT!  And it was so awesome.  Seriously.  One of the funnest things I have ever done.  I went with my executive team from work and it rocked.  I can't think of a more fun or crazy and eclectic group that I would rather go with...there is a lot of crazy behind those ties!  :)

Ok.  Here's a picture.  Sorry you get to see it twice.  Actually...I'm not sorry.  I for real can't stop looking at this picture.  It makes me happy.  And I want it to make you happy too.

Now I am going to ramble a bit.  It's my blog...I can do what I want.

Is anyone else just going stir crazy waiting for summer to be here?  Just me?  I am dyyyyyyying for warm and shorts and tank tops and sandals and being outside and tanning and swimming and doing all things summer.  Last weekend was AMAZING.  It was soooooooo beautiful outside.  We went to City Creek.  I wore shorts and sandals.  I took the most gorgeous picture of the Temple...don't worry, I'll post it for you.  :)

 See this fantastic picture?  I took it.  

Me and the sissy pants.

I still love my job.  It is so much fun.  I can't express how grateful I am that I found this job.  The people are so fantastic...I love them all!  Don't you all wish that you could go to work everyday and have it be like you are just hanging out with your super awesome friends all day long?  The other day I laughed so hard, I thought I might pee.  TMI?  Oh well.

Running will be the death of me.  And somehow I got suckered into running another race.  Ever heard of the Dirty Dash?  It could possibly be the hardest thing I will ever encounter.  Frick.

I got an iPhone.  It has completed my life.  I don't know how I ever survived without it.  Every time I look at, I get all warm inside.  That's true love.

Next week I am off to Denver with Miss Koby to see the Braves play.  She's OBSESSED.  And I think I will be too.  I've never been to an MLB game before.  I can't wait!  Baseball players are HOTTTTTTT.  I'm excited to stare at some cute baseball butts for 3-4 hours.  Sounds pretty much like heaven to me!

I bought the Muppets Movie.  I'm excited to watch.  I freaking loved that movie.  It's ok to judge me.

Guess that's all.  Hope you enjoyed my random ramblings.

Peace and love.